Ohne dich

band

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 14:33:26 GMT

Ariel and I started a band but we need a drummer and bassist, anyone interested?

schedule

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 01:33:36 GMT

So I got my schedule, but there was a scheduling conflict 3rd period, so I basically don't have a 3rd period right now, but here's what I do have.

1.H.Chemisty- Malone
2.Symphonic Band- Davis
3.-----unknown-----
4.Z. Algebra 2- Sugihara
6.AP U.S. History- Gravely
7.Journalism 1- Nixon ( but German is this period, so I will drop Journalism and be in German 4 that period instead)

So yeah, since there's a scheduling conflict, I will be in German 4 during 7th period with Ms Cremer instead of journalism, but I don't know what I have 3rd period yet.

Today it rained during band it was so much fun. There's a new girl ( a freshman) that thinks Ben is my boyfriend and that I don't like her because she flirts with him or whatever...haha...and the girl that's new in my section asked if Ben I went out and I said no and she's like "aw you should" and I was like "nah, I have a boyfriend in Germany that I love very much :) " lol I'm so corny but it's true!!!

there is

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 01:48:04 GMT

This vacation's useless
These white pills aren't kind
I've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive
I miss the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9
And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights
I've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast
I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
Where i laid and told you, but you sweared you loved me more
Do you care if i don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
Will i shake this off pretend its all okay
That there someone out there who feels just like me
There is
Those notes you wrote me
I've kept them all
I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall
With every single letter in every single word
There will be a hidden message about a boy that
loves a girl
Do you care if i don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
that There's someone out there who feels just like me
There is
♥ Box car racer

do you care if I don't know what to say

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 01:35:13 GMT

Another long, boring day in hell. I mean, band. I realized today that I have absolutely no desire to be there, and if I didn't feel an attachment to the people in band, I'd quit. But leaving band would be like leaving my family and I couldn't do that..at least not this year, next year is a different story, because all my good friends will have graduated by then, and although I have good friends in my grade and the grade below me, I am not close enough to any of them that it would be that big of a deal. Dominique and I both were talking about how hellish it is this year..it's so much work that I just don't have the energy for. They're really cracking down this year too..it's so annoying. I don't mind running though, everyone else seems to, but I guess since I wanted to do cross country, I wouldn't mind running anyway. I always finish first of the girls. Today I was 3rd overall. At least I'll keep in shape somewhat.

Yannick finally acts like he cares that I'm alive. about time. ♥

I didn't talk to Kai much today..and even though he says he was just busy..I think I've pushed him away someway..he seems more distant..oddly enough.

When September ends.

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 15:48:54 GMT

Liebe Svenja und Kai,
Danke fur deine hilfe. Ich liebe dich beide sehr viel!!!!!!!! Ich hoffe du kannst verstanden :)

♥ ,
emily

only like 2 more weeks till my birthday..woohoo! too bad I don't get to have a party :( they should put me on MY SWEET 16 and just show me sitting at my computer listening to music..us po' girls sure do live it up ,yo.

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 14:53:41 GMT

new layout, check it out :)

without you

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 14:27:56 GMT

I’ve sure enjoyed the rain
But I’m looking forward to the sun
You have to feel the pain
When you lose the love you gave someone
I thought by now the time
Would take away these lonely tears
I hope you’re doing fine all alone,
But where do I go from here ’cause
Without you I’m not okay
And without you
I’ve lost my way
My heart’s stuck
In second place ooh
Without you
Well I never thought I’d be
Lying here without you by my side
It seems unreal to me that
The life you promised was a lie
You made it look so easy
Making love into memories
I guess you got what you wanted
But what about me ’cause
Without you I’m not okay
And without you
I’ve lost my way
My heart’s stuck
In second place ooh
Without you
Somebody tell my head to try to tell my heart
That I’m better off without you
’cause baby I can’t live
Without you I’m not okay
And without you
I’ve lost my way
My heart’s stuck
In second place ooh
Without you
♥

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 12:51:08 GMT

i am really tired of being treated like I DON'T MATTER.
fuck it.
fuck all you assholes.

Running

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 03:20:36 GMT

Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side
Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I'm falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love
Running, running
As fast as we can
I really hope you make it
(Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up
-No Doubt ♥

I think everyone has a little nostalgia from time to time..and I was thinking about everything from the past I can actually, vividly, re-call. Like in fourth grade, going to that dumb chorus concert and I really like this kid named Brandon, and he walked over to say hey to me, and trying to be really cool I pretty much ignored him and my mom was like "Why'd you do that?!" Why I remember this, I don't know..

Or in 6th-7th grade how I used to always ride over to Danny's because I really liked him and I thought eventually he'd like me too (he never did though). But I'd ride over there so he could teach me how to skateboard, and I remember him once saying that a friend of mine who wanted to learn would never be good because she was fat, and I remember thinking, well he must not think I'm fat (but I definately was). I remember always being disappointed when it would be just us, and then he'd go get his other friends. I remember sitting at the hill by his house and watching him and Kai skate down it, or sitting on Jackie's lawn with her and watching Kai, Danny, Chris and whoever else skate over ramps and on rails and thinking that it was so awesome. I still have pictures around here somewhere, maybe I'll upload them. I remember right before Kai moved back to Germany, which not until he actually moved did I realize that he really was actually moving, but I remember the last time I saw him was when we put Danny in a trash can and rolled him down hill..that was pretty crazy...and I don't think I'll ever forget that. I also remember playing flash light tag, almost every friday and saturday night, and I remember once I had bought this really nice, light pink , sweatshirt and I was running from Danny and Gerard, and I tripped over Jackie's little cousin and ruined it because I fell into a mud puddle. I remember that that night Jackie and Laura spent the night and my mom made us hot chocolate and we sat in my room eating cookies and drinking hot chocolate and watching a movie.

I remember in 5th grade I was best friends with the boy down the street named Kevin who no one at school liked because he was really weird, but he actually quite awesome and we spent hours jumping on his trampoline until his brother made us get off and then we'd go play pool or ride bikes. And then he moved, and I wasn't home the day he moved and I remember coming home from Kings Dominion and my mom telling me and I was so crushed that he was gone, and even though a new girl moved in, it took me forever to go meet her because I felt like in part it was her fault he was gone.

I remember back when I wasn't at all shy, and when I moved into Hidden Valley the first thing I did was walk across the street, ring The Harrison's doorbell and ask if there were any girls that were in 3rd grade there. And that's how I met Abbi. Abbi and I were best friends until ..I don't remember exactly when we grew apart, I think it was once I started middle school and she was home schooled, even though we were across the street, I had other friends and she was always busy.

I still remember Laura in 1st grade and how we hated each other. And not until Kelsey told us we had to be friends or she wouldn't be friends with either of us did we finally become friends (on and off) in 2nd grade.

I rememeber things I wish I didn't, like being fat, and dis-liked, the biggest loser alive, things like that..things no one would want to experience or remember for that matter. Being rejected by guys and not cool enough for the cool girls..everyone has a sad story though.

And maybe in the end things really do happen for a reason, I remember signing up for French and getting put in German, but not caring and staying in. I hated German for the first 2 years I think and then in the end, after year 3 I went to Germany and met some incredible people, and through meeting these people and wanting to keep in touch with them, I re-met Kai. But really, if I hadn't taken German, I wouldn't have met Leona, or Svenja, Kim,Timo, Nils,Yannick,Jonathon,Sebastian, Benjamin,Phylis, Maik,Elvia, Kathrin,Martin,Simon,Franzi,Jan,Phillip, Yanni,Axel,Helena,Alina, Meike, etc etc, I wouldn't have ever gotten ICQ again and found Kai..nothing, none of it. I wouldn't have the memories, like going to Timo's house and picking cherries, and having him pelt cherries at us from the top of the tree. Or biking from Gymnasium Tostedt to Wistedt to get Timo, and then back to Double Timo's by Gymnasium Tostedt to call Axel and get Arby, then with Timo,Arby,and Charles bike the 8KM it takes to get to Dohren to get Yannick and picking up Kim on the way, just to get to Yannick's and find out he is sleeping so we all wake him up and go get ice cream at a small ice cream place in Tostedt. Or the day everyone went bowling except for Leona,Yannick,David and me and Leona had a math lesson so I met Yannick and David at the freibad and we played Volleyball. The first of July going to Lubeck, and Travemunde, but making an idiot of myself because Maddison said she liked this guy in the exchange named Yannick, and not realizing he was standing in front of me I said really loud "Who the hell is Yannick?" and she pointed and he turned around and trying to cover up for my stupidity said "oh hi, are you Yannick?" and after he nodded I said "Cool, is your last name Dohren?" (because his hat said Dohren..I didn't know at the time that Dohren was a town and that he lived there) Then on the way back to the train I jokingly called Maddison a slut and when Yannick agreed she was one and then put his arm around me, that's when everything started; 2 days later we were together after kissing at Heide Park. I remember spending the night at the Freibad and freezing my ass off because at 10PM Yannick was still swimming and I had nothing better to do so I jumped in and swam too and when he finally convinced me I shouldn't be swimming (i was shivering) I got out and we walked to the edge of the park and went to sleep under a big willow tree...and I can still remember earlier that day I was sad and started to cry and Svenja sat by me and talked to me until I felt better, and she really was a great friend..I miss her..What I wouldn't give to be back in Germany...

So anyway, what brought up this random flashback is I found a cd I made in 8th grade (back in my gothic days) it's so weird,..haha it goes from this metal music to suddenly super emo songs...haha

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 01:29:03 GMT

I am always just over-reacting. but Seriously, if I felt wanted, I wouldn't have this problem..ugh...so I am bored and will do this survey

Name: Emily
Age: 15
Sex: Female
B-day: September 8th

Nickname(s): Emsy,Emmaliah,Emi,Emsy Kitten,Emsy marie, Emsy Fish, Emsy Poo, Ems, Emma, Hoss, Emybert
Height: 5'5
Height you would like to be: 6 ft
Hair color: brunette
Eye color: green
Do you color your hair?: Not in a long time
Do you like change?: Depends on what's changing.
Are you easily worried?: depends on the situation
What is the number one thing you are scared of?: death
What is the best thing that ever happened to you?: I don't know..maybe being in the German exchange
Have you ever had a deathly illness?: Nope.
Have you ever almost died?: once when I got stuck in an undertoe
If so, how?: undertoe
In 3 words, describe yourself: Crazy, strange, friendly
How would you describe your personality?: I don't know.lol.

^*How…*^

Long does it take you to get ready?: at most, 30 minutes
Do you usually do your hair?: either down or in a pony tail
Do you sleep at night?: ipod playing
Long do you usually talk to your best friend?: it varies, maybe an hour
Well do you know yourself?: I know myself better than anyone else.
Many times do you brush your teeth?: Twice.
Many times do you take a shower a week?: As many as I can. I like showers and baths.
Do you like your eggs cooked?: scrambled
Picky are you?: not very

Well do people know you?:If I feel I can trust the person, very well
Would you describe your life in 5 words?: many ups, many downs, crazy

^*This Or That…*^

Sense of humor or romantic: a little bit of both
Sunny or rainy: rainy
Long or short: long hair
Coke or Dr. Pepper: diet anything
Sweet or Sour: sweet
Skirts or shorts: skirts
Abercrombie or Hollister: Abercrombie
Hot Topic or Pac Sun: Hot topic for band stuff, Pac Sun is cute too
Bath or shower: Bath
Polka Dots or Checkers: polka dots
Bikini or One Piece: bikini
Beach or Pool: beach
Warm or Cool: cool
Hott or Sexy: hott
Timberlake or Pitt: Pitt
Britney or Christina: neither
JLO or Paulina Rubio: J Lo
Makeup or Natural: natural
Paris or Italy: GERMANY
Bitch or Bossy: neither
Nice eyes or Nice smile: hmm..
Rap or RnB: neither really

^*Are you…*^

Easy to be around?: Yeah. I think
Good at making others comfortable?: I try.
Mature or immature for your age?: hopefully mature

Easily influenced by others?: no

Funny?: thats what I am told
Sensitive?: sometimes

A good person in general?: Pretty good.

^*Whats your opinion on these topics*^

Do you think hate is too strong of a word?: No.
Do you think that George W. Bush is a good president?: I don't pay much attention to politics, honestly.
Is the Louisiana law for low riding pants ridiculous?: nah

Should tanning beds be banned in California?: I don't care, I live on the East Coast.
Christina Aguliera’s clothing?: It's her right to be a whore.
Hilary Duff?: shes cute
What do you think about discrimination?: stupid

^*Describe…*^

What your best friend is like: which one?
What you do in your spare time: Talk to my friends, listen to music, drive

What you want to do with your life: Be a nurse, fall in love *le-sigh* go back to Germany
What kind of clothes you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing: i dont know
Your favorite shirt: my fishbone wifebeater

Your appearance right now:black shorts and Deutschland soccer t-shirt

Vanity

</u>
[ ] I wear my hair short.
[x] I wear my hair long.
[] My hair is blonde.
[ x] My hair is brown.
[ ] My hair is black.
[ ] My hair is red.
[ ] My hair is another color.
[ ] I wish I had different hair.
[x ] I've had a whacky hair color.
[ ] My eyes are blue.
[] My eyes are brown.
[ x] My eyes are green.
[ ] My eyes are hazel.
[ ] My eyes are two different colors.
[ ] I wear contacts.
[] I prefer to wear makeup.
[ ] I prefer to wear makeup because I'm ugly.
[ ] I don't wear makeup usually.
[ x] I only wear makeup on ugly days.
[ ] I'm having an ugly day today.
[ ] My clothes have to match.
[] I accessorize.
[x] My accessories don't match.
[x] My clothes rarely match.
[ ] What clothes?
[x] I change my underwear everyday.
[ ] I change my underwear almost everyday.
[ ] I change my underwear when I feel like it.
[x] I shower daily.
[ ] For some reason, people turn blue around me.
[x] I wear comfortable shoes.
[ ] I wear whatever matches my outfit.
[x] I prefer high heels.
[x] I prefer sneakers.
[x ] I like preppy brands: Abercrombie, Hollister, American Eagle, Aeopostale, etc.
[x ] I like skate/surf brands: Hurley, Atticus, Billabong, DC, Etnies, Famous Stars and Straps, Volcom, etc.
[] Some people call me a poser.
[ ] I would call me a poser, too.
[x] I wear T-shirts.
[ ] I wear tank tops.
[x] I wear blouses.
[x] I wear button-up collared shirts.
[x] I like jeans.
[ ] The only thing I wear are jeans.
[x] I like khakis.
[x] I like skirts.
[x] I wear white socks.
[x] I wear colored socks.
[x] I don't wear socks.
[ ] I only wear thongs.
[ ] I only wear briefs.
[ ] I wear granny panties.
[x] I wear anything that happens to be clean.
[ x] I own lingerie from Victoria's Secret.
[ ] My favorite subject in school was fashion.

Brands of shoes I own:
[x] Converse All-Stars
[ ] Converse in general
[ ] Etnies
[ ] DC
[x ] Puma
[ x] Adidas
[ ] Macbeth
[ ] Roxy
[ ] Osiris
[ ] Adio
[x ] Nike
[ ] Reebok
[ ] Doc Marten
[ ] Sketchers Athletic
[ ] Sketchers Dress
[ ] Diesel
[x] Generic Brand (Target, Walmart, K-Mart, etc.)
[ ] I've had a long day of shopping so please, leave me alone!

The ABC's of School:
</u></em>[A]mount of hours spent at school daily: 6 and a half about.
[B]etter get up at this time in the morning, or I won't be ready: 5:30
[C]oolest class: Last year, History
[D]umbest class: Math ..i hate math
[E]verything always goes wrong in this class: German
[F]avorite day of the school week: Friday. Duh.
[G]reatest school year (ex. Kindergarten, 7th grade, etc.): probably kindergarten..haha
[H]ottest guy at school: good question!
[I] am always bored in this class: Math
[J]umping for joy when this class comes around: History
[K]ill me now when this class comes around: Math
[L]oves this class, but not the teacher: Gym class, Johnson Boozer was a fucking moron

[M]eanest teacher: Ms Carroll
[N]icest teacher: Ms.Ward and Ms Cremer
[O]bviously I'm in this grade: 11th in a month
[P]raise the Lord, it's time to go home, which is what time?: 1:45
[Q]uiet, or this teacher will give you detention: No one gets detentions.

[R]ejoicing on the last day of school, which is what day?: June something.
[S]eeing this friend at school is the best: all my friends, duh

[T]orture me when this person is walking down the hallways: No one
[U]nless I don't get homework from this teacher, my life sucks: I rarely do homework at home anyway..
[V]ery best teacher: Mr Schott or Mr Nixon
[W]eirdest teacher or weirdest subject: The guy that subbed in for Mrs Boone one day..the crazy Jamiacan haha
[X]'s & O's, this is the class where it's so boring, you play tic-tac-toe to waste time: Biology
[Y]our most exciting class of the day:History, Mayo, Jason, Flo and I lived it up in there
[Z]its & pimples; tell the truth...are you a loser at school?: Not the last time I Checked.. but what do I know ? lol

ich brauche dich

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 15:32:58 GMT

I found a letter from a guy I was good friends with in elementary school in my closet last night and I desperately searched for him online but I couldn't find any information other then that he still lived at that address (he moved to PA) and so I am going to send him a letter.

Mein herz ist kaputt...ich brauche er und er ist nicht da...immer, nicht da..warum!?!?!?!!??!?!?

I am glad I re-met Kai..really i am...at least someone makes me feel like life is worth living...bahhhh

Anyone go to Alan's party last night?

all my life I've waited, this is true

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 21:59:17 GMT

Weekend- yayyy! Today was pretty fun, we stayed inside until 12:30 because it was raining, and Kai messaged me all day and made band slighlty more enjoyable. Yannick doesn't act like he really cares anymore, and it really hurts me. I wish I knew exactly what to think..but I don't. I am really tired,and I wanted to go to Alan's party, but I seriously have no energy and I'd probably sleep the whole time. haha.
I don't know if I should cry or be mad when it comes to Yannick, or if maybe I'm just overreacting, usually it's just me overreacting but still..at least Kai makes me feel important .

sometimes it's hard to keep on running

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 23:15:04 GMT

Man I really like the song "Jesus Walks " By Kanye West, and no, I am not in any way religious.

Anyway, today...another day of band..or hell..or whatever I should really refer to it as. I really wish I had done cross country instead. Next year if I don't make Color Guard, I am doing Cross Country. If I stay in marching, I'll probably be section leader cause I'll be a senior, and to be honest, I have no marching talent, so I wouldn't be good at it anyway..and not to mention I am really tired of the flute. My friends are the only reason I've hung in there. This morning was nice though because I got a message from Kai, and I mean hell, I get excited whenever anyone messages me. I wish Yannick would message me, but he's always got something to do , which is understandable because the time I am at band, 7:30-4, is 1:30-10 their time...whatever..ahh..I just need something to keep me occupied when I get bored or tired.
and that happens a lot.

I have sunburn and it hurts so bad ..ahhhh >

Es ist sommer!

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 02:01:42 GMT

Yannick,Timo and Kim's idea: T-shirt that says "Summer 05': Sex, Beer and Punk Rock"

Those crazy Germans :-P

So basically, I have neglected this..I don't think anyone reads it anyway, but once again, I promise I'll try to update more often..

I'll start with this weekend

We raided Walmart: Krystal, Me, Laura and Amanda.

Talk about this shit is bananas.

haha, yes, I am lame.

Anyway, after that:

(Laura,Me,Ben,Adrienne)

Went to Adrienne's, where after we tried to make amends for the past, I ended up screwing up and she yet again, strongly dislikes me. I wont go into that though, because it's between us.

After Adrienne's, we (Andrew,Laura and I) went by Danny's for a while

Danny,Laura,me

Sunday Ben and Laura came over. We made T-shirts. Ben and I made dirty German shirts, and Laura kept hers G-rated. haha.

Band camp is in full swing *vomits* and Dominique comes over afterwards everyday. Yesterday we went to T.G.I.F's dinner and it was so much fun. Dominique is like another daughter practically to my mom, and they're really close so it was really funny because we joked around so much. When I was driving home, I was laughing so hard, I thought I was going to wreck because I couldn't see right, I had tears in my eyes lol.

Oh yeah, by the way, I HATE BAND CAMP. ughhhhhhhh but the season is always fun..just the camp..goddamn its so tedious! Anyway, the good part is so far everytime we run around the school, I am the first girl done. Unfortunately 99% of my friends will be seniors this year...I am going to be so lonely my senior year. In fact, I don't think I will do marching senior year, I might do color guard. I stand there thinking about how I can get out of coming to practice or how I could possibly leave early. I contemplated walking home during break, but my mom would have a cow.

You know, ICQ is a miracle worker. I FOUND A LONG LOST FRIEND WHO MOVED TO GERMANY YEARS AGO!!!! oh man!

Kai, Du Fehlst Mir!!!!!!!!!!!! Nachste Sommer ich werde besuch!!

Und mein Yannick, Du fehlst mir auch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ICH LIEBE DICH!!!

...oh man, sun burn sucks...oww oww owww.... Oh yea but break during band was fun, Ben, Ariel and I sat in my car listening to music and sleeping...sehr spass..ja ja !!

so much fun

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 15:17:57 GMT

good times; I'm gonna miss that German

she broke your throne, she cut your hair

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 16:56:38 GMT

So I was talking to Martin last night and he said "hey i thought about the feeling you have because of having your friend here in germany.. isn't it a great feeling to have touched a soul so far away?" because he was asking me about if it was hard having a boyfriend so far away and he thought it must feel strange..I never thought of it as the way he put it, but I guess it does feel kind of good lol.

Mein teurer, ich liebe dich

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 14:17:18 GMT

Hallo...Lately I haven't done much, but I have done a lot. Uhm...Sunday night Patrice and Charles came over and then later Laura came and spent the night. Monday night we had band practice and then Ariel spent the night, and she's here now.

Last weekend Andrea went to the lake with me. It was a lot of fun, we went to Teresa's house and rode on the jet-ski and the float and stuff like that. There were centipedes on the ceiling in our room..we were watching them and we named them Tubby and Slim hahaha.

So Sunday when Patrice and Charles were over, we watched Dodgeball and Patrice raided my computer so he could talk to his German comrads. It was a lot of fun, we played pool, and Patrice won (barely!) and then I played Charles...I can't remember who won though.

I wrote 3 songs in German, but I think I will let Leona read them before I post them, just to make sure they are grammatically correct lol..well one of them is more like a joke-type song haha..

i miss yannick :( !!!!!!!!!!

one of the bored, take quizzes, type day

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 16:41:23 GMT

You are GYpsY RoSE LeE (self-titled)

Which Distillers Song are YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

People view you as a Loner Artist. Loner Aritist
are exactly as their title says, loners and
artist. Now you are not alone by choice but
many people find you odd. This only bothers you
when you're in a public place like a dance club
or a crowded lunchroom so you tend to steer
clear of those places. You might have a friend
or two but they're either Loner Artists like
you or Truly Dark. Fear not! So many artists
are not appreciated in their own times!

What Do People Truly See You As? (lots of outcomes and stunning pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

Gretchen Weiner

Which Mean Girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

7 Types of Intelligence - Which is yours?
brought to you by Quizilla

wowzerz

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 20:08:46 GMT

For once in a long time, I am actually proud of myself. I just ran 3 miles and it took me 19 minutes and 8 seconds, which means I ran each mile in about 6 minutes and 36 seconds, which is 22 seconds less then my record for last year of 6 minutes and 58 seconds! Wowzerz!! I know that's nothing compared to what the track kids run, but I'm just surprised I could still run a mile in 6 minutes after all the slacking i've done lately

the other side

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 17:01:45 GMT

I don't know where to begin today. I slept in till 12, which lately is a record for me. I was really comfortable and kept having re-occuring good dreams. They all involved Germany to some extent; and if you are sick of hearing about Germany , you can either un-add me, or get the fuck over it, people ask "What have you been doing this summer" well quite honestly , the only thing I have done this summer is go to Germany. So Es tut mir wirklich leid, if you are sick of it..oh and by the way, Contrary to Thomas and Ben's belief, I do not speak German to be "cool" since I went there, ever consider maybe I like the language? I am sure if I knew anything other than German and English, I would speak it..I am so sorry that I offend you so. Which brings me to another topic, I can't stand people that think they're soooo cool that they can correctly analyze people's actions EVERY TIME..it's ridiculous, you aren't some kind of god so get over yourself. Anyway..about my dreams..

The first one that I can vividly remember, I was on the train in Germany to god knows where, and I was on a different part then Yannick so I went to go catch up with him. When I was changing cars, there was a pool in between them? yeah..I don't know why, but there was, and I fell in when I was trying to walk across the bar in the middle of the pool to get to the other car, and I almost drowned. Then I managed to get up and I Saw Yannick in the other side of the pool and I started swimming towards him and I got hit by someone and fell under again. When I finally re-surfaced again, I was with Yannick and all was good or whatever and we were sitting at the bottom of the pool with each other and you could see the top of the water and clear through it when you looked up and even though a little of people were in the pool, it was still..it was a really cool dream, other than me drowning.

The second one, I was at German convention, which happened to be at a school near Maymont Park, so it was half in the school, and half outside in the park. I was sitting around with a group from another school, and looking through this girls yearbook, who looked a lot like Nele, and I was like "Hey, is that you Nele?" and she got all offended and was like "I AM NOT NELE!" and I was like..ohhh.. then I remembered that Andrew had taken German when I saw the Thomas Dale group go by and I saw him and talked to him a little. Then Jeff B. came over, even though he's not in German, and we went on a walk and he told me a lot of personal stuff. Anyway, then it was time to go home and I got a ride with some girl..I don't know who she was, she had a red car and she'd been in a dream before driving me home and we got lost and ended up at some Mansion, where they apparently filmed porn and we turned around and went back..oddly enough this mansion was down the street from my house..I'd just never gotten lost before. haha. then I woke up.

Today,anyway, I decided I would do my AP history homework. Yeah, that's not happening; my mom cleaned and re-arranged my room a little while I was Germany and I have absolutely no idea where she put my AP book, so I can't do that, and while I could call her and ask where it is, I really need to actually re-clean my room since Stephanie and Ariel came over the other day, it's a mess..and I can't stand it, but somehow no matter how much I hate it, I am always to lazy to clean it.

Anyone else that's in honors have their parents constantly get pissed off over the littlest things about grades? I was thinking about this as I looked for my AP book; my mom pushed me so hard to make good grades when I was younger so I could be in honors, now that I am in honors, making A's and B's, if a grade drops from an A to a B+ she's like "I HOPE YOU KNOW THE ONLY REASON YOU MADE DISTINGUISHED HONOR ROLL IS BECAUSE YOU'RE IN HONORS, HOW DO YOU GO FROM AN A TO A B+?" and me being a slightly annoyed smart-ass replies "I don't know, one day I walked into class and the teacher told me 'your a is now a b+, sorry.'"

I am so not ready for school to be a mere month away. gross.

you've got to rise above

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 05:02:33 GMT

Sorry I haven't updated lately, not that anyone really reads what I say anymore, but if you do, I am sorry. I have been lazy and kind of just in a depressed mood lately, and somehow I know if I update, all I'd do would be complain and whine, which I am sure you are thinking "what else is new.." but really, I just don't know how to put things I feel without sounding completely pathetic, so I don't. I just let it all build up in my mind until I have to let it out, and when I finally decided to, it resulted in a pretty pathetic email in German to Yannick. I am too paranoid for everything, I swear, I am surprise he hasn't done the Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate factory thing and go, "heh, you're weird!" to me yet. Svenja said his cell phone screen is a picture of me, which made me a feel a little better that he's not necesarrily trying to forget me..and because my cell phone screen is him and me lol. My parents and I had a long discussion about me flying back to Germany this coming summer, they don't think ich will make enough money, but I am determined. I kind of worry about myself sometimes, because I don't understand why I let myself wallow in depressing thoughts, the positive side of things, I always match with a reasonable negative explanation as well. Maybe I could use some sort of therapy, or really just someone to tell EVERYTHING to and them just listen or whatever, I want to tell Yannick everything, but the language barrier makes it hard..but I really do just want to tell him every crazy thought in my brain, no matter how ridiculous, because for whatever reason, I feel as though if I tell the guy I love everything I am thinking, he will feel closer to me and in return feel like me.

Sadly enough, we went to South Carolina to visit my grandfather, who is dying of cancer. My mom was constantly talking about how he was going to die soon, and all I could do was sit and plan my own funeral. It sounds pretty weird, I am sure, but I hope they play "Dream on " by Aerosmith at my funeral... I remember when I was younger and used to plot about my death, but I think deep downside, no matter how rebelious or sad i felt, I could never actually have killed myself, because I wanted to hang on and see what comes next, and that's how I feel, like no matter how bad, I feel like I could never just let myself quit, I always want to see..what's next.

haircut

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 19:00:51 GMT

tell me what you think..i think it's alright..

Brody Dalle

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 03:19:46 GMT

Brody Dalle is officially one of my favorite people. A new addition to the list of people I would like to meet.

This is a pointless post, I know.

there's a highway to the edge of town

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 03:07:49 GMT

Okay so my nerves have been calmed.. always happens after talking to him..I'm so weird sometimes..Anyway..Tommorow I am getting a haircut..finally..hopefully it will turn out good..I have nothing to really say about today..wait..oh yeah..went to the movies..saw charlie and the chocolate factory..fuckin awesome..i love johnny depp..I don't know why i am .. for every space..but I am .. i really want one of the distillers cds.. Yannick goes to his dad's house for a week next week and will have no internet access..damn my luck.. I will be gone this weekend with sparse internet access..isn't that great..yeah I know I complain too much

dies ist der morgen danach

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 03:32:04 GMT

I think I hate not talking as much as I hate living 4567890 miles away. A day with a lack of communication for no apparent reason just tears me up. Oh well, I guess I will get over it.

Today I did a whole bunch of nothing. We went to the gym at night and that's about it. I pretty much spent the day sitting around being pissed off and crying for no real apparent reason. I don't know what my problem is...probably just that I am a major dumbass.

Tommorow I am going to the movies with my cousins..hopefully that will be fun.